Early childhood experiences can shape a career

By James Vaughan 600PM GMT eighteen March 2010

Off to work again? Babies need their mother"s amount courtesy in their initial year, according to Dr Dennis Friedman Photo ALAMY

Mothers beware. If you palm your son over as well early to an au span or nanny, you could be branch him in to a sequence womaniser.

That"s the unnerving summary delivered by psychiatrist Dennis Friedman in his new book The Unsolicited Gift. Start delegating your child-rearing responsibilities as well soon, he warns, and you risk equipping your son with lifelong stand in standards when it comes to women.

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"It introduces to him the judgment of The Other Woman," Dr Friedman explains. "It creates a multiplication in his mind in between the lady he knows to be his healthy mom and the lady with whom he has the genuine hands-on attribute the lady who bathes him and takes him to the park, and with whom he feels utterly at one.

"As a result, he grows up with the thought that nonetheless he will one day go by all the amicable and passionate formalities of marriage, he will have at the at the back of of his mind the idea of this alternative woman, who not usually knows, but caters for, all his needs."

And that"s usually the boys. Baby girls who miss out on this early motherly alliance will, Friedman says, outlay the rest of their lives with a "vacuum of need" inside them, that they will find to fill in a accumulation of damaging ways (drink, drugs, sex, money).

So is it ever safe, then, for mothers to share their baby caring duties?

"After about a year," Friedman says. "I know that this will not be a renouned thing for me to say. I know that women will go, "Who does this man think he is, observant I can"t go out and aspire to my career and amicable hold up for a total year? Don"t I have a right to do that?" And yes, of march a lady has a right to do that. But if you"re a baby, you additionally have a right, that is to have a one-to-one attribute with a mom who is 100 per cent continuous to you, and on whom you are 100 per cent dependent. A mom who will joy you when you are crying, ease you when you are in pain, and with whom you will share all the early earthy impasse the stroking, the kissing, the sucking at the breast.

"Experience those all-enfolding arms during the initial year of your life, and you feel yourself to be protected inside the undiluted circle. Fail to experience them and you will perpetually some-more be looking after what you longed for out on."

It all sounds rather sentimental. But Friedman can invitation petrify confirmatory examples from his own customer casebook.

One e.g. is 30-year-old Rupert, who was not asked as a kid and had regularly come a bad second to his widowed mother"s commercial operation interests. Night after night, he would lay alone at a casino card game table, where he insisted that he be dealt the cards by a lady in a low-cut top, whilst he gambled afar the family fortune.

"A full potion of milk, untouched, was regularly at his side," Friedman says. "It was a sign of both the mom whose resources he was destroying and the tainted mug of his childhood."

Then there was Clive, whose vexed mom regularly fed him but uttering a word, whilst listening to exemplary song on the radio. In after life, divorced and solitary, Clive would outlay his evenings dancing alone at home, to Beethoven.

"The song of an emotionally wordless childhood," Friedman says. According to Friedman, miss of parental love affects what careers we choose, and even what sports we take up. Not to discuss how kind (or unkind) we are to alternative people.

One kid cut down the esteem roses grown by his father, whom he felt to be a opposition for his mother"s love, and afterward outlayed the rest of his hold up you do the same to alternative men, usually by slicing remarks, rather than secateurs.

"Parents are as obliged for the amicable control of their young kids as they are for their biological make-up and genetic inheritance," Friedman says. "But whilst fathers have their piece to fool around when the kid is older, it is motherly impasse inside of the initial twelve months that indeed matters.

"Of march a lady has a right to do a man"s pursuit in the workplace, but not at the responsibility of you do the pursuit in the home that usually she, as a woman, can do (eg breastfeeding).""

"The inevitable actuality is that a lady might turn an airline pilot, but a man will never breastfeed a baby."

An Unsolicited Gift Why We Do What We Do by Dennis Friedman (Arcadia Books) is accessible for �8.99 and �1.25 p&p fromBooks on 0844 871 1515 or go to books.telegraph.co.uk

WHAT"S YOUR LINE

What does your preference of career contend about your early childhood? Here"s Dr Friedman"s at-a-glance guide

Surgeon You wish to cut out and remove the bad thingsBanker You find security in financial Dentist Unlistened-to child, you find to overpower each mouth but your ownAccountant In incessant poke for soundness and balanceRadiologist Always left out as a child, you wish to know what goes on at the back of the façadeRacing motorist You go around in circles, acid for your mother"s enfolding armsActor On a incessant query for the umbrella love that was denied in childhoodTennis player You equivocate responsibility, by regularly putting the round in someone else"s courtBarrister You were brought up to feel that love and capitulation are earned, not since